Under Siege

Intro 00:02
Welcome to Movie Life Crisis. Join us as we watched the best movies from 30 years ago.

Movie Trailer 00:14
It was the final voyage of America's. Mightiest Battleship imagine in this Arsenal of tactical nuclear weapons falling into the wrong hands? The Pentagon never did.

Jeff 00:29
Four minutes ahead of schedule. Damn, I'm good now.

Movie Trailer 00:32
A team of terrorists had taken over. Wake up the President. But there's just one thing they didn't count on. The Cook.

Jeff 00:44
Not just the Cook. Expert in martial arts, explosives, stand back weapons and tactics. I also Cook.

Movie Trailer 01:00
Stephen Segal.

Jeff 01:01
I know you, don't.

Movie Trailer 01:02
I Tommy Lee Jones. Under Siege.

Jeff 01:15
Oh, wow.

JT 01:16
Under Siege.

Jeff 01:17
Wow.

JT 01:19
Movie Life Crisis, season two, episode three, Under Siege. The one and only excursion will take into the Steven Segal catalog.

Jeff 01:29
You say that now, but somebody's going to donate and we'll be watching Under Siege two dark territory.

JT 01:36
Yeah, we're going to have to put some fine print on our $100 donation tier. It's just like, no Stephen Segal, because I really don't want to talk about him anymore after this. Anyway, welcome back. I'm JT you're Jeff We're. Your Movie Life Crisis, doing the best movies from 19, 92, 30 years later. I guess I shouldn't have said best there because we're doing Under Siege.

Jeff 01:56
There's people that think this is the best.

JT 01:58
There's people that think this is the best. This is definitely the best Steven Seagull movie. I'll go out and say that, but before we get into it, let's just do some of our housekeeping stuff. We've got a couple of donations that I want to shout out. First one from frequent donator nurse Nap after my cousin Vinny says she loves us to use. And then a first time donation from likeShine, who says we shouldn't hate on Law and Order. That puts us in a tough position because since, like, Shine listens to this podcast, they are clearly a person of impeccable and unimpeachable taste. So if they also, like procedurals, I don't know what to conclude. Except that maybe we're wrong and procedurals actually are awesome, but we're not. And they're not.

Jeff 02:34
I just can't see. Dude, maybe I'm wrong.

JT 02:38
Maybe. I mean, we'll hit the nursing home and maybe we'll start a podcast about Law and Order in like 35, 40 years.

Jeff 02:43
You know how many they'll be.

JT 02:44
How many episodes they'll have a Law and Order rewatch pod. I will have to do two episodes a day if there's any chance of getting through it.

Jeff 02:51
Of course.

JT 02:52
Stay tuned for that 2065 lawn order rewatch pod. Just a reminder, if you leave a review on Google or on Apple podcasts, we'll choose one every week and read it randomly. Although I don't know why I say randomly because it's not random. We picked a good ones. Unless, like last week we had one that criticized us that we wanted to talk about because we're trying to get better. But this one is five stars deep dives without the distractions. This show is a refreshing listening experience, free of the manic diatribes, constant interruptions, and unbalanced audio levels unfortunately prevalent in this modern podcast age. It's a smooth, intelligent and insightful discussion about film between two friends with an obvious history, easy rapport, and a shared love and appreciation for the art form. This is everything you want from a conversation dissecting the nuances of the movie experiences that shape your lives. Holy hell. That's a phenomenal review. Thank you so much.

Jeff 03:38
Yeah, I'm going to put that on my book cover. When we write a book about making podcasts.

JT 03:43
Put that on your freaking tombstone.

Jeff 03:45
Get that engraved in there. That's really nice. Who did that? Does it have a name?

JT 03:49
It didn't have a name. That's an Apple podcast review. So it has just their Apple username, which is just like kind of nonsensical. So I didn't include it.

Jeff 03:55
Cool.

JT 03:55
But yeah, that's a great review. Thank you so much. And if anyone else wants to leave a good review and have a chance to hearing it right on the show, feel free to do that on Google or Apple and on Spotify. You can just click five stars or you can send us an email or follow us on social media. Okay, under Siege. Let's do Name That Tune First.

Jeff 04:11
Oh, man, I keep forgetting about Name That Tune. I keep telling myself I'm going to psych myself up for it.

JT 04:16
All right, here we go.

Jeff 04:18
Oh, no, this is Shake That Body by no, I Got Nothing Power by Snap. I don't know. What is it?

JT 04:33
You're so Close it's. Move It by Technotronics.

Jeff 04:37
Move It.

JT 04:37
But Shake That Body as a whole chorus.

Jeff 04:40
Shake that Body. That's why I thought Shake That Body. Wow. If you could make it smell like Puke in here and get a couple of degrees hotter, I would just feel like I was on the Gravitron.

JT 04:52
So Technotronic, this song is number 38 on the year. Their biggest song by far was last year Pump Up the Jam.

Jeff 05:00
Pump up the Jam. Yeah, yeah. That's technical. Ok, got it. It's locked in. I'll never forget it. From here on out. I recognize the song, but, man, I'm mad that I didn't know who sang it or what the name of it was.

JT 05:12
It's exactly what I wanted to name that tune as a song that you go like, I know that I can't think of the name of it, man. The hardest part about Name That Tune, honestly, is that I go listen to these songs and then they get stuck in my head and I want to call you and talk about it, but I can't because I haven't played them yet on the podcast.

Jeff 05:26
Yes. And it's killing me because I'll shuffle through stuff and I'm like, I think this song is from 1992. Let me check. Oh, can't listen to this next.

JT 05:34
Can't listen to that. All right. Name that Tune. Jeff is two for three on the year.

Jeff 05:38
Oh, man.

JT 05:39
Under Siege. Why this movie was chosen, honestly, I don't know.

Jeff 05:43
Because it was good in my brain.

JT 05:45
I had a real Steven Segal JeanClaude Van Damn phase as, like, 1112 year old, right. When these movies were coming out, I watched all of them, even the bad ones, which is all of them. Basically, my brother and I were taking karate. I was, like, running with my hands flat, like Steven skullwell. So I had less wind resistance.

Jeff 06:02
Yeah, that's why he does that. He runs like an idiot.

JT 06:08
Yeah, he went to the Tom Cruise running school. But anyway. But I knew that there was no other movie in Stephen Sigal's catalog that we could possibly watch because they're all so bad. But this one, I thought would be maybe okay. And honestly, it was maybe okay.

Unknown speaker 06:22
Yeah.

Jeff 06:22
All right, I believe you.

JT 06:23
All right, give us this analysis.

Jeff 06:25
So you want the long one or the short one? Just checking. Okay. An exnavy Seal turned Cook is the only person who can stop a group of terrorists when they seize control of a US battleship.

JT 06:36
I mean, are we sure they're terrorists? Are we sure they're not freedom fighters? Tommy Lee Jones. It seemed like he was on the side of right in this one. He had a tight eyed T shirt on. He was part of the revolution.

Jeff 06:44
Yeah, the revolution. See? Not a movement, because movement stops.

JT 06:49
Movement stops. Revolution keeps going round and round. That was some of the great dialogue from this movie.

Jeff 06:53
Great writing.

JT 06:54
We'll get to the writer, but I have stuff about him. This guy wrote Pretty Woman. This guy is a legitimately, very decorated screenwriter.

Jeff 07:02
I saw some of the stuff he did, and I was like, really shocking.

JT 07:05
$35 million budget. This movie grossed $156,000,000.

Jeff 07:09
That's because Steven Segal and his stupid ponytail were popular back then.

JT 07:13
They were popular back then. And he didn't have a ponytail in this movie because the Navy would not allow you to have a ponytail. So he had long hair. Not the, quote, unquote, trademark ponytail.

Jeff 07:22
You know what he did have, though, that I don't think the Navy allows a tiny little belly. When he took his jacket off and he was just wearing that green white beater, I was like, Stephen Segall is kind of pudgy.

JT 07:32
I love to have an action hero that's, like, not in good shape. It makes me feel really good to see that on screen. It's like, hey, that's my people right there. Not Steven Segal is my people, but fat people is my people.

Jeff 07:42
Steven Segall would think he's your people.

JT 07:44
I was going to say that's the meanest thing you've ever said to me that Steven Segal would think he's my people.

Jeff 07:49
He thinks he's everybody's people.

JT 07:51
$156,000,000 gross. This is the biggest movie of the fall of 1000, 1992.

Jeff 07:55
That's crazy.

JT 07:56
I mean, we're talking about a fall that includes stuff like A Few Good Men. Aladdin, it's ludicrous. This movie did as much money as it did awards. Did you find any awards?

Jeff 08:06
So this was the only Segal movie that received an Academy Award nomination. There's two nominations. Yeah. Best Sound Effects and Best Sound. It didn't win either category, though.

JT 08:17
Thankfully, it did not win. We don't have to say, like, Academy Award winner Steven Segal.

Jeff 08:21
But you should say we are watching Academy Award nominated Under Siege.

JT 08:27
Under Siege. Academy Award nominated movie. Actually, the sound was really good in this movie.

Jeff 08:31
Yeah, it was.

JT 08:32
Anyway, sequel spinoffs Under Siege Two in 1995, which we're definitely not doing. I don't care. Put your wallets away. There's no amount of money. We're going to update our $100 rewards tier to say no, Steven Segal. We're going to have to because I can't go back. Reading about Steven Segal makes me feel bad. Makes me feel weird. By the way, sorry. Apologies to all women. Apologies for this movie because it's terrible and it's extremely not female friendly. Your wife and my wife both will attest to that.

Jeff 09:02
She definitely would. She couldn't believe she was still watching it by the time we got to the end.

JT 09:06
Yeah. This movie is a big fail on the Bechtel test. Do you know what the Bechtel test is?

Jeff 09:11
I do not. What is that?

JT 09:12
It's a measure of representation of women and works of fiction that was made up by a female cartoonist, like in the 80s. But to pass the test, the movie has to have two women speak to one another about a topic that isn't a man. So, like, women have to have a conversation that's not about a man. For a work to pass the Bechtel test, this is a big fail.

Jeff 09:33
Yeah. Was there only the one woman in it?

JT 09:35
I'm thinking now there was only the one woman, and not only does she not speak to another woman, but she pops out of a cake naked. Feminism not real strong in this movie.

Jeff 09:43
Part of the reason I remember trying to watch it though, dude.

JT 09:46
Absolutely, 100% the same. I do want to say, like, there's a bunch of other tests like this that are about minorities and sexual orientation and stuff like that. That's actually kind of a fun wormhole to go down. Whatever the test is about black representations. Like, you have to have a black character in the movie who talks to another black character about something that's not racially motivated. They have to have a conversation that isn't about race.

Jeff 10:07
I could see a lot of movies not passing that.

JT 10:09
Or like, you have to have gay characters that their character didn't need to be gay. You know what I'm saying? It's just like, hey, it's a buddy comedy, but one of the people's gay not like, there's the token gay guy who has a gay problem that we have to solve. It's like, no, he's just in the movie, but also he's gay.

Jeff 10:23
Gay problem. What would be a gay problem?

JT 10:25
Again, I don't know what's the freaking movie with Oliver Platt and Matthew Perry.

Jeff 10:31
Click, click, click, click. When he's clicking the pen to tell him to stop. Three to Tango.

JT 10:35
Three to Tango. Like that movie would fail. That whatever that gay test is left to look up when that movie comes around.

Jeff 10:40
Cool. What's next?

JT 10:41
Do you remember when and where you first saw this movie?

Jeff 10:43
I don't. So this is the thing. I did talk to Will and he said he feels like this is a movie we watched at one of his sleepovers. But I don't really vividly remember. All I do remember is July 89 jumping out of the cake and her boobs. And I remember that part because I was young enough to still, this was before you could find boobs all over everywhere. I can remember as a young person being excited for that. I did read something too, that video rental shops had to keep replacing the VHS tape because that part was continually worn out from being rewound and replayed by people.

JT 11:18
That's amazing. I don't know that kids today are going to fully understand what the availability of boobs are today compared to when we grew up.

Jeff 11:28
Dude, I talked to my students about this all the time. I was like, guys, the Internet is full of porn and it has other stuff too. I'm assuming you guys can find it whenever you want and you have an unhealthy relationship with it and you think that's what it's like. And it's nothing like that in real life. So I don't want you to think there's a false sense of that's. How it's going to be. And they'll never know the plight of watching it late at night with your thumb on the channel up button or the jump button to go back to MTV in case somebody came down the hall. Like, they don't know any of that. They don't have to worry about any of that. They just watch it on their screen, on their phone, in their bed, late at night by themselves.

JT 12:06
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Not even like we were kids. It's like, oh, hey, maybe there's a Victoria's Secret catalog around. Maybe Cinemax is going to come in like 30% clear. It's like green tinted, but it might hold stable at the right level and might check out a little bit of that. Or like, oh, dad rented me Under Siege. Great. I'm going to watch that one part a thousand times before I turn the tape in.

Jeff 12:26
Right.

JT 12:27
Or the Total Recall. It's like there's an extra boob in this one. I don't watch this got three boobs.

Jeff 12:32
Bonus boob. Everybody likes bonus boob.

JT 12:35
We might have watched that Will Party. I don't remember that specifically. I watched all the cigar movies, like on VHS in my house. I just rented them like over and over again. I'd be like, I'll watch out for justice. I haven't seen that in a few weeks. He's going to snap the guy's arm over his shoulder. It's going to be great. I do remember I've spent the night on this ship.

Jeff 12:49
What, the Missouri or the Alabama?

JT 12:51
The USS Missouri in this movie is being played by the USS Alabama, which is actually parked in Mobile, Alabama, as a Museum. And when I was in Cub Scouts around this time, we went and spent the night there.

Jeff 13:02
Oh, that's cool. I've been there, but I've never done that.

JT 13:05
Yeah. So I was trying to think I don't think it's a school trip. I think it was a Cub Scout thing because we spent the night.

Jeff 13:09
That's pretty cool.

JT 13:09
And I don't know that I didn't know at the time that this because there wasn't the Internet then. I didn't know that this was the boat that was in the movie.

Jeff 13:15
Right.

JT 13:16
But now I know it was the boat that was in the movie.

Jeff 13:18
Did you see how they did it, too? They had like a barge with a big black curtain to block out the lights in the background.

JT 13:23
Oh, nice.

Jeff 13:24
So there was like a barge that moved around. And that's why when they show some of the water scenes, it doesn't look like the water is really rough or moving.

JT 13:31
Yeah, because it's in Mobile Bay. Yeah.

Jeff 13:33
It's just in the Bay in Mobile, which is pretty cool.

JT 13:36
That's awesome. How many chimney dogs you got for this one, dude?

Jeff 13:40
I'm trying not to really crap on it too much because so many people like it. But I'm going to give it three chimney dogs out of ten.

JT 13:48
I got five out of ten. I mean, the thing is, man, it's not a terrible movie. The plot is fine. The performances are fine. Segal is as good as he's ever going to be. The problem for me is that it's really corny 30 years later. And also in addition to that, I know that Steven Segal is one of the worst human beings in all of the recorded history. And so that makes me pretty bad not want to watch his movie, even when I'm going like, he's actually decent in this movie and I'm going like, he's such a terrible human being. Yeah, he's bad when we get to the worst, which is going to be way longer than the best for this one. I think I'll read just some of the court cases that have been leveled against him in the last 30 years.

Jeff 14:27
Imdb headed it's six and a half. Rotten Tomatoes is 79% people like this movie, man. But I'm sticking with my three three chimney dogs. It's always getting that's not even an entree.

JT 14:39
That's barely a snack.

Jeff 14:40
Yeah, that's half of an appetizer.

JT 14:43
The other thing is that the podcast has been on a roll. Every movie episode that we've done since Robin Hood, which is like last September, has done better than the one before it. That streak ends here. It's been a good run.

Jeff 14:56
Maybe people will listen and maybe people like this movie and I don't want to tell them that they like it. And it wasn't even really like the misogyny or it wasn't not political correctness. It was just like, to me, I just didn't understand. Freaking Great Value Nick Nalty was dressed like a woman. Why did he even do that? Why was that in the movie?

JT 15:17
Yes, but let's not get out of order, though. Let's do the best.

Jeff 15:20
You go first. Best scene.

JT 15:22
Do you want the Stevens Seagull facts first?

Jeff 15:24
Sure. Give me some Steven Segal Fax.

JT 15:27
These are totally true facts that I definitely didn't make up. I'm just going to read them out for you. So Segal is not his real last name, it's his stage name. He picked it because it reminded him of his favorite animal, the Seagull, which attacked strangers for scraps of food.

Jeff 15:39
Awesome.

JT 15:40
Segal actually holds three black belts in a keto, which is perfect because once he has them sewn together end to end, he can still wear them. Segal claims to be one quarter Cherokee, by which he means he weighs as much as one quarter of a Jeep Cherokee. Mitsubishi, Montana Segal came out last year as trans. He says his body is at least 70% trans fats and he stands with the community.

Jeff 16:04
Oh, man.

JT 16:05
Segal took a knee with Colin Kaepernick a couple of years ago. A lot of people don't know this. Well, not so much with him, but at the same time he's winded from walking to get a hoagie. Segal gained £40 for his role in Under Siege. No one asked him to do that. He loves to tell war stories about him and his old Navy buddies, the people that he worked with at Old Navy.

Jeff 16:26
Oh, man.

JT 16:27
When he was first starting out, he turned down a role in a soap opera because he didn't want anyone to think that he used soap. He's also a professional UFC fighter. Sorry, I misspoke a KFC fighter. And he's a veteran of the Navy Seals. Sorry again. The Gravy Seals. Meal Team Six.

Jeff 16:44
Meal Team Six.

JT 16:46
So those are some Segal facts that I collected for everyone.

Jeff 16:49
I'm sad you didn't make fun of his yellow glasses.

JT 16:53
I didn't have three scenes. I just wrote down three things that I remembered that weren't terrible. Yeah.

Jeff 16:58
What you got? What's your first one?

JT 16:59
The first one was when the microwave blows up, he pours some liquids together and they stick them in the microwave and he turns the timer on. And then later on, Tommy Lee Jones and Great Value Nick Naughty came down and the whole thing blew up a long time, though.

Jeff 17:11
It was in the microwave for like ten movie minutes, so who knows how long that was.

JT 17:16
Yeah, it was a really long time.

Jeff 17:17
My first best scene was the opening scene with George Bush giving a speech, because that was actually George Bush giving the actual speech for the decommissioned.

JT 17:26
Yeah, for decommissioning the Missouri.

Jeff 17:27
They actually showed up with their camera crew and recorded the same thing and used it in the movie. And I thought that was cool because they mixed a little bit of history in their history is, and I'm never going to watch it again. What's your next best?

JT 17:41
I had Tommy Lee Jones when he was talking about the Revolution, and he's, like, using a hunting knife to cut off hunks of Turkey, and he was like, just eating with his bare hands.

Jeff 17:49
Yeah. What was that?

JT 17:50
I don't know.

Jeff 17:52
Throwing slabs of meat around.

JT 17:54
And they were throwing slabs of meat to him and he would catch it with his bare hands and rip off a hunk.

Jeff 17:59
I didn't get it.

JT 18:00
But then they were drinking champagne at the same time. It was bizarre. Yeah.

Jeff 18:03
They were throwing it on, like, the light up table that they were using to look at the blueprints of the ship and plan stuff out there's. Like a big, like.

JT 18:11
Meat chunk right on top meat platter.

Jeff 18:14
And then when he got mad, he stuck his knife in the table and walked off. And I was like, that wasn't a wooden table. Where did he just stick a knife in? Maybe he stuck it in the meat.

JT 18:23
Yeah, I think that's what happened. What's your next one?

Jeff 18:25
My next best scene was when I saw the movie's poster on Plex and I was pulling it up and getting ready to watch it. I like that part because I still had hope.

JT 18:37
I thought you were going to say that was when you saw the movie's credits begin to roll because then you were done.

Jeff 18:42
No, that's my last best scene is the credits.

JT 18:45
The third one I have is when they blow up the submarine with the, like, World War II gun.

Jeff 18:49
I had problems with that.

JT 18:51
It was like Battleship. Yeah, there's a lot of problems with that. Why is the World War II gun still working? And why is there a World War II veteran on the boat who still knows how to use it? But even though there's a World War II veteran on the boat cigars, the one looking through the portal going like, yeah, get two degrees up at 217. Shouldn't the guy who used the gun in World War II be that guy?

Jeff 19:10
He was telling him stuff. He was like, tamp that powder light. And then Segal would repeat, Exactly, yeah, tamp that powder light. He would repeat it. And then when it exploded, and then there was, like, another explosion that went off also. So I got to see two explosions when they blew it up.

JT 19:26
Yeah. They probably taped a grenade to it before the show went out.

Jeff 19:30
Is that when he was swimming in the side stroke with his freaking mask on on top of the water so everybody could see him? Navy Seal. Get out of here.

JT 19:40
Yeah, he was a Navy Seal. I mean, he had ballast with him because his belly was keeping him afloat, but he never Dove. He swam above the water where everyone could see him the whole time. And they started shooting at him and throwing grappling hooks at him, and he still never submerged. He just kept swimming on top of the water. Let's not take it. Take too close to look at that. What's your best quote?

Jeff 19:59
There's one where? July 89. She says, I hate being alone. And Segal says, do you hate being dead? So I really like that one because it sucks really bad.

JT 20:16
She pops out of the cake because she took too many ambient or whatever, and she missed that. Everyone got hostages. And then she pops out in the empty room and she's freaking showing her boobs off. And Steven Seagulls, like, got his machine gun and his tank top and his belly.

Unknown speaker 20:31
Yes.

JT 20:31
And he's going to lock her in a locker. I don't know why she could just stay in the room, but then when he puts her in the locker, she's banging and screaming. It's like, Dude, do you understand that there's like 40 terrorists on this ship? You can't throw a tantrum right now if he wants to lock you in a locker, just be glad you don't have to hang out with Steven Seagal.

Jeff 20:46
Yeah, be glad he's not sexually assaulting you. Why couldn't she just hang out in the room and then get in the locker if she heard someone coming?

JT 20:53
Yeah, that would have been a perfect solution. The door locks. It has, like, the little handle that you move where no one can get in through the hatch. Dude, just sit here, lock the hatch, take a nap.

Jeff 21:02
And if you see somebody become the hatch. What did that mean?

JT 21:06
I don't know.

Jeff 21:08
He was killing me. What's your first quote?

JT 21:10
I only have one. I got it on the plate for you. It's when Segal is trying to get the other people to come help him, like, take back over the ship.

Jeff 21:16
You know what I do laundry. I was ironing during the golf war. I cut out for this hero bullshit. Forget about it.

JT 21:27
That was my favorite line of the movie by far. I was ironing during the Gulf War. I had cut out for zero bullshit because that's exactly what. If Jeff had been in this movie, that would have been exactly how it would have gone down.

Jeff 21:37
I would have still been in the kitchen cooking with the cooks. Which leads me to my next quote. When the guys that's watching him, he's like, you got a fire in here? And he's like, Get my pies out the oven. Why is that even in there? They didn't go back to it. Use the smoke as some sort of he could hide in the smoke from the pie that didn't need to be in there. I don't get it.

JT 22:00
First of all, he's cooking for an entire fucking boat. He made two pies.

Jeff 22:06
He did have 50 gallons of buoyabase, though.

JT 22:09
50 gallons of buoyabase and two pies. I'm not coming to dinner. That. And then second of all, the Navy ships don't Cook on propane or on gas because obviously if you have a boat and people shoot at it and you have propane or gas, it blows up. So everything, all the kitchen appliances are electric.

Jeff 22:23
Yeah, I figured that the other thing that I had written down was when Tommy Lee Jones and Great value Nick Nalty were talking and he said, these things are going to sell like hotcakes. He's like, what are you going to do with your $200 million in the bank? Great value. Nick Nalty says buy the presidency. I can't imagine $200 million is enough to buy the presidency.

JT 22:43
No, I don't think so. Because Ross Perot tried in 92 and he had way more money than that and it didn't work.

Jeff 22:48
I don't think you can buy the presidency for 200 million. And I don't like great value, Nick. Nolty, in this movie. So I wanted to mention how bad he was.

JT 22:55
I don't either, and I know that he's not bad. So I just feel like that this part was really poorly written or was really poorly directed because everybody was being so like, I told Wendy, this movie is like a live action Archer episode. All of the shit that's happening is so stupid and so extra.

Jeff 23:13
Oh, that's perfect. Yes, live action Archer. That's what it is.

JT 23:17
That's the only way that it makes sense. If this was a cartoon, it would make sense. But for real humans, it doesn't make sense. Like, Hudson Hawk is more real than this. I watched Hudson Hawk last week, by the way.

Jeff 23:27
Nice. Do you think we can get HJon. Benjamin to just do, like, a voiceover of all Steven Segal's lines and Archer's voice?

JT 23:35
Oh, dude, that would be great. I wonder if you could just take all of the film from this movie and just animate Archer over the top of Steven Seagull and then Revoice it too, because they're rebooting this. Hbo Max is rebooting this right now. Can't we just take the original rebooting what? They're rebooting Under Siege. Warner brothers and HBO Max are rebooting this movie right now.

Jeff 23:54
Oh, man.

JT 23:55
But let's just take the original movie and just draw Archer over Steven Segal and then just call it good. That'd be amazing.

Jeff 24:01
Yeah, that'd be great.

JT 24:02
I don't have any other quotes. I just got that one.

Jeff 24:04
No, that's plenty.

JT 24:06
Characters. I only have one. I got Tommy Lee Jones.

Jeff 24:08
Yeah, Tommy Lee Jones.

JT 24:10
He's great, dude. He's so over the top. But the whole movie is so over the top. It's actually a good character choice for him to be over the top because the whole freaking thing is over the top.

Jeff 24:18
Yeah. I really liked how crazy he was.

JT 24:21
Dude, do you know how old he was in this movie? I thought he was 60. He was 46 in this movie. He looks like a catcher's myth that was left out in the rain for like a few years. But he was 46.

Jeff 24:31
I think he's always looked like that.

JT 24:33
He has always looked like that. But I was like, man, Tommy Lee Jones in good shape. And I looked it up. He's like, he's 46.

Jeff 24:38
No wonder I'm 43. I got three more years to get in Tommy Lee Jones shape, is what you're telling me.

JT 24:43
Dude, I couldn't even get in Stephen Sigal shape in that amount of time.

Jeff 24:49
I need to start doing some sit ups and I need to let my face in the sun for hours at a time.

JT 24:56
Leave your face out on the back porch for a couple of years. For that time, we leave Jones. Look. Yeah. He's the only character I have.

Jeff 25:01
Me, too.

JT 25:02
I really like, I love great value in Ick. Nolte, he was terrible in this.

Jeff 25:06
We'll talk about it when we get to the worst.

JT 25:08
I got some other good stuff. The writer, JF Lawton, this guy wrote Pretty Woman. He wrote Blank, man. I wasn't talking to Mjammy.

Jeff 25:17
Wasn't talking to Mjammy.

JT 25:18
And he wrote Under Siege, too. So he's got some highs and lows.

Jeff 25:20
And he did Chain Reaction, which was also low.

JT 25:24
He wrote this as a spec script, which means no one hired him to write it. He just wrote it in his free time, and then he sold it for a million dollars.

Jeff 25:30
Pretty nice, right?

JT 25:31
I mean, after Pretty Woman, I think he probably had a lot of people wondering what he was working on next.

Jeff 25:35
Yeah.

JT 25:36
And then the director, Andrew Davis, he co wrote and directed above the Law, which was Sigal's first film. Yeah. And then he came on to do this movie, and from this movie, he worked with Tommy Lee Jones, and then he went from there to do Fugitive.

Jeff 25:49
The Fugitive.

Unknown speaker 25:49
Yeah.

Jeff 25:50
Did you read the thing about how Tommy Lee Jones was like between takes or during the filming of this? He read rough draft of the script for Fugitive, and he's like, yeah, I want in. I want to do that. And I'm glad he did because I can't wait to do that movie.

JT 26:03
No, I think that's next year 93.

Jeff 26:05
Nice. When's Chain Reaction. Are we doing that? Keanu Reeves and Morgan Freeman?

JT 26:09
Dude, I'm down for Chain Reaction. I think that'd be great.

Jeff 26:12
He also did collateral damage in Holes.

JT 26:14
Yeah, collateral damage. So the point is, the director's done a bunch of pretty good stuff. The writer's done a bunch of pretty good stuff. And that's why this is almost pretty good. If we could just put Archer over Steven Seagal. Dude, I just have to imagine it's just Steven Seagal. Every time someone has a good idea, he has a bunch of really loud, really bad ideas, and you just end up having to do it his way.

Jeff 26:33
He seems to me like the people I know that are confidently incorrect. Just always they know the answer, but it's not really the right answer. But it could be. If you said it the right way, it would sound like it would be. That's how he is.

JT 26:48
Well, I mean, he was on Fox News last year saying that Putin is like a really great guy. So. Yeah, confidently incorrect is certainly like an accurate description. That's the end of the good. I have some random not good. Not bad. I had that the sound was actually was good. Like the sound effects, not the score, but the sound happening in the movie.

Jeff 27:06
I actually saw that. I saw that those were the awards they were up for before I watched it, and I kind of paid attention to that. It was good.

JT 27:12
Yeah. The only Stephen Skull movie to ever generate any Oscar nominations. And then the other is that Erica Aliniac was Jordan Tate, who's Miss July 89. Who's the playmate who jumps naked out of the cake in real life, she was actually the playmate miss July 89.

Unknown speaker 27:26
Yeah.

Jeff 27:26
Did you know that the Playboy that they hold up in that part of the movie where he's showing it to Stonehens? That's the same issue of Playboy that they show in Home Alone in Buzz's bedroom or wherever he was, which is cool, right?

JT 27:39
Yeah. That's awesome. That's the kind of stuff people need from us.

Jeff 27:42
Which also had Daniel Stern in it. And Daniel Stern was in Rookie of the Year with great value. Nick, Nolte three moves.

JT 27:49
I did it, coach. I don't think we survived that crash. Dude. I was so happy when I saw Stonehens in this. It's like Stone hands still working.

Jeff 27:58
I just yelled it. I just said, don't throw it to Stone hands, man.

JT 28:00
I feel pretty bad for doing Davis going from Necessary Roughness to this movie. I guess they're both big movies, but at some point it's just ask his agent, like, do you have anything good? Can you send me anything good?

Unknown speaker 28:10
Yeah.

JT 28:10
Can I read for something good?

Jeff 28:12
No, he can't, apparently because I don't remember him in anything else Besides this, the program and Necessary Roughness. Yeah.

JT 28:18
At least this wasn't a football movie. He was able to round out his he's branched it out also.

Jeff 28:23
Did you know that this pushed back a Die Hard, the third Die Hard movie, the spec script for Die Hard was about a cruise ship that was being taken over by terrorists. And they said, this is too close to under siege. So let's just rewrite it. And it came up with Die Hard with a vengeance.

JT 28:38
Nice.

Jeff 28:39
Which is the best Die Hard as far as I'm concerned.

JT 28:42
Yeah, I like that one. I definitely like it better than two. I don't know about weather than the original. Than the original.

Unknown speaker 28:46
Dude.

Jeff 28:46
Sam Jackson and freaking the other guy, the bad guy. Scar. He was awesome.

JT 28:52
Jeremy Irons.

Jeff 28:53
Jeremy Irons. There you go.

JT 28:54
Yes.

Jeff 28:54
He killed it.

JT 28:55
Take that guy who thought we didn't know about movies on that pull that one right out of my brain. Didn't even go on the Internet. Yes. I read a Vice article about how bad this movie was, and the guy in the article was just. He wasn't calling it Under Siege. He was calling it Die Hard on a boat where Erica Eleniak jumps naked out of a cake. And he would put that in quotes. Every time he referenced the name of the movie, he would just say that again, that's great. All right. That's the end of the good for me. And we stretch it out as long as we can. You got anything?

Jeff 29:21
No more.

Unknown speaker 29:21
Good.

Jeff 29:22
Let's go to the worst.

JT 29:23
Yes. We don't even have a fake ad rate because we just want to get out of this.

Jeff 29:26
Yeah, worst.

JT 29:27
What's your first worst? I got Segal karate chops a guy in the neck and then kills him. I guess somehow, like, the guy was laying on the ground and he just says, like, small chop. I don't think that you could break, like, a baguette with that chop, but I guess that killed the guy.

Jeff 29:41
I thought it just knocked him out where he spun and flipped him over and then chopped him in the neck.

JT 29:46
Okay.

Jeff 29:46
The side of the neck, like the Vulcan neck pinch, but hit him in the I don't know.

JT 29:51
And then another time he did the Roadhouse thing where he ripped the guy's larynx out, and then that guy fell down dead, too. And I was confused by that because it seemed like that happened really fast for him to have starved to death in that time.

Jeff 30:05
You can live without that, can't you?

JT 30:07
Yes, of course you can. You just can't yell, but you could still keep swinging. But he just fell down dead and he Stevens, the old.

Jeff 30:14
Can you also get one of those, like, vape pens that you hold up to your throat? Would you like to play a game? Is that those people?

JT 30:20
I would think. I don't know.

Unknown speaker 30:21
Yes.

Jeff 30:22
I didn't like how he rodehouse that guy. That sucked. All right, so my first worst scene is Seagull is dancing and talking to the kitchen crew, and he's using this Cajun accent. And I didn't like it at all.

JT 30:33
I didn't either. I was trying to be objective about it because I don't like it because I can tell that Segal thinks that he's really cool, and I think he's really not cool. So I was trying to not filter it through that lens.

Jeff 30:44
Me too.

JT 30:44
But I just think even if I didn't know that he was one of the douchiest douches who ever douched that, I still wouldn't have liked it.

Jeff 30:52
Same. I didn't like it at all. I didn't like his cage and accent. I didn't like how he was, like, giving them bones. Yeah, I didn't like that. And then the other thing is, people were just, like, walking in and out of the kitchen. I don't know what I pictured a battleship being like, but I thought everybody had, like, the stations they were supposed to be at, and nobody, like, loitered around the ship with the Boombox and freaking danced with Stephen Segal in the kitchen. I thought it was more regimented than that.

JT 31:18
I don't know either. You and I know the same amount about the Navy, which is past. No, thank you. Don't want to tuck my shirt in. Don't want to get up early.

Jeff 31:25
There's no pushups for me. Thank you.

JT 31:28
I'm going to do the cadence. Pushups where? After four, it's like, okay, my punishment is through. I can't do any more than that.

Jeff 31:33
Next up, we drop.

JT 31:35
I didn't even try to keep track of scenes because it was all of them.

Unknown speaker 31:38
Yeah.

Jeff 31:38
So what's your next one? Did you have another one?

JT 31:41
I just was listing that things that I didn't like. This is the era where the gunfights all had cheats enabled. No one ever ran out of ammo. Like, Sigal had, like, ever. He had one machine gun, and he would just do, like. And then he would run down the hallway and be like. And he would go, like, three more hallways. And I'm like, Dude, he never changed magazines. He had one time where he was running with two machine guns crossed across his body, shooting in hatches on either side of him. Dude, that's all metal, by the way. Don't do that. This freaking bullets are going everywhere, but no one ever ran out of ammo.

Jeff 32:12
Yeah, there was something I was reading, and they were on a boat on a battleship like that. And shotguns are, like, the most popular thing on the boat. I don't know if that's true, but they shoot them off the ground because it's metal and it pops up and hits the people. So they come around the corner and shoot off the ground, and it bounces up and hits them in the body.

JT 32:33
Yeah, that makes total sense to me. I would think that that was really realistic.

Jeff 32:36
Meanwhile, he was just running down the hall, shoot off the walls.

JT 32:40
Continuing on that everybody had infinite ammo and just shot bullets every which way. Like, it wasn't a thing. They weren't in a metal tube.

Jeff 32:48
Right.

JT 32:48
But everyone in this movie was holding guns. Like, they're not real guns. Like, great value, Nick. Nolte, it was like holding his gun on his face, tapping himself right next to the eye with his loaded pistol, and, like, Tommy Lee Jones had his pointed up at his head, like, fingers on the trigger.

Jeff 33:04
That's terrible. I'm sure you saw the part where Segal puts his thumb in the trigger guard to check to see if there's a bullet in the Chamber and rather puts his thumb in the trigger guard and then pulls the gun back with his index finger and looks in it. What are you doing?

JT 33:19
There's some great montages on the Internet of Seagull being really stupid with guns, even though he's working with different gun companies to produce Steven Sigal branded weapons because he thinks he's an expert at all of it. But there's one clip from one of his direct video movies he's released in the last five years as a way to launder money for Russian mafia. It's like he's holding a rifle, like he's right handed. And then at some point, he just turns to the left and just switches hands and holds it by the other hand. It's awful.

Jeff 33:48
Segal, to me, he's really good at martial arts. And there was no fighting. There's no hand to hand combat. Like, at the very end, he was, like, slapping people. I don't know enough about martial arts. The whole thing. I was like, I didn't think this is what this was. I remembered it being more fighting, fighting.

JT 34:07
The only true thing about Steven Segal, the only thing that's not total and utter horseshit, is that he actually is like an Akito black belt and has been since he was a teenager. That's the only thing about him that's not made up. And there wasn't even any fighting in this movie, really.

Jeff 34:20
But if you look up him doing a demonstration of Akito, it's literally just like seven guys that just keep running at him, and he just grabs their hand and flips them over, grabs their hand, flips them over, grabs this guy's hand and kicks him in the ass, grabs this guy's hand, flips them over, and they're just, like, falling over right away, getting back up and running right back at him. If that's what Akito is, I feel confident that I could probably be yellow, maybe a chartreuse belt. I'm just basing it on the ribbons I used to get in. Swim team. Congratulations, Jeff. 15th place, here's a Brown ribbon.

JT 34:51
Yeah, 13th place. Here's a magenta ribbon for you. No, the Akito demonstrations, they look like complete bullshit. Like a guy runs at Segal and he takes one hand and taps him, and the guy, like, hurls himself and does a front flip. And Master Steven Segal. You can't teach that. The guy just ran and fell down.

Jeff 35:06
Yeah, I don't like that.

JT 35:07
But at some point before he got into Hollywood, he was a legitimate, like, Akito black belt in Japan. And I think everything we've ever seen on film is total bullshit. This movie, the fighting was bad. It was like unlimited ammo and, like, Roadhouse the guy's throat.

Jeff 35:20
And then he freaking ban saw the guy.

JT 35:22
They ban saw the guy. And the knife fights looked like they were just slapping each other, like when we used to slap fight each other in high school. Or you just slap with both hands as fast as you can and so you get tired and you go eat pizza. That's what the fights look like.

Jeff 35:34
Yeah, I remember that. All right. My second scene, they shoot down the sub. Everybody is super excited. They're high five. People are freaking hugging, everything's going great. And the girl runs over to him, and I thought it was going to be a kiss. And instead her face is buried into his belly, and he's rubbing the side of her ears like he's petting a dog. My wife made me rewind that twice because she was like, there's no way that's what he just did. He totally just did that. And I hated it. So now it's like a thing. Cats, like, sitting on the couch, and I'll walk behind her and rub her ears. I'm like, hey, we sunk the sub. She's like, Get the hell away from me. Stop touching me.

JT 36:12
Yeah, that's a nice one choice, by the way.

Jeff 36:14
Right before that, they're walking on the deck of the ship, and they're just talking. There's no cover. They just got finished killing a bunch of terrorists, but they're just standing out in the open. And when they're talking about the guns, and he's like, Gunny. I'm like, Why is he pausing so long? Those guns, we still have bullets for, like, everything was slow and stupid and out in the open. And I thought they would have not done it that way. It ended up with him rubbing her ears. And that's the part I hated.

JT 36:42
Yeah. They made the plan to shoot at the sub, and it was like Segal and his little crew in mid July 89, and they literally just had this really long planning session. World War Two, Gunn on the deck of the Missouri. All the terrorists, except for the ones that Siggal is taken out, are still alive, and everyone on the nuclear sub is still there. And they're just like, let's just go up on deck and chat about this for a while.

Jeff 37:05
We don't have any five millimeter bullets. But you know what? We do have bad acting. I don't know. I was having trouble making it through. I know I can't turn it off because we decided to do this. Maybe, but I didn't want to. Do you have anything else? Because I have one more that I want to mention.

JT 37:20
Do I have a bunch more? I don't know. I could have organized this better, but I was just listening. Bad stuff as I was going through the movie. How many people came in? How many bad guys came in on the chopper? How many people does the chopper hold? Because Sigal killed, like, 25 people before the last act of the movie started, when he was like, how many terrorists could there be left? And I was like, in my mind, counting it up, I was like, yeah, he's got, like, 18 people that he's already killed. How full was the chopper?

Jeff 37:44
Plus, wouldn't they have to have all their guns on there? Wouldn't they have to have the band stuff on there?

JT 37:50
All the band stuff on there? And, like, all the waiters, everybody came over on that.

Jeff 37:54
They all came on the one helicopter?

JT 37:55
I don't know. I guess the whole front of the movie was like, great value. Nick Nalty was going to go behind the captain's back to make sure the chopper could land. But was it two choppers? I don't know. But I think the whole thing is he's going to get one chopper to land. And everything came on the one chopper. It's like a freaking clown car helicopter. Because Sigal kept killing terrorists and they kept being plenty of terrorists left.

Jeff 38:15
So at the very end, everybody's on the deck and they're partying, acting like they weren't about to die. Half hour before that, a guy comes up to me. A guy comes up to him and says, It's the cue ball guy. And he's like, Yo, Casey, show me some moves. And he goes, I'll show you a move. And he just turns around and kisses her.

JT 38:34
That was horrible.

Jeff 38:35
It was really bad. It was a bad kiss. He didn't ask for her permission. There was no consent there.

JT 38:41
I hated that anyone had to kiss Steven Segal. And he did it in front of, like, 35 people.

Jeff 38:45
You know what it reminded me of? The Michael Jackson kiss on. Remember the time? Remember how awkward that was during the bridge when he was like, yeah. And he goes to kiss her and his face slams into her. That's what it reminded me of.

JT 38:57
I was like, Why is he I hated that scene. And then right before that, it was like, Yo, Casey was for breakfast. And then one of the other guys was like, subs everyone's, like, cackling and slapping each other.

Jeff 39:08
That's going to need about four stitches. I hate needles duck. This guy wrote Pretty Woman. Are you sure?

JT 39:14
Yes, he definitely did. But, dude, I wonder how much of this Seagull forces people to put in. So I don't want to get ahead of myself, but I found some real life Steven Segal quotes when he did The Glimmer Man. He does in a couple of years with Keenan Ivory Wayans. He says in an interview about The Glimmer Man, that he's like, Keenan and I talked about it on the set of the movie every day about who's funnier and I kicked his ass. Segal thinks that he's funnier than Keen and Ivory Wayans.

Jeff 39:38
He's not funnier than any of the way ins. Even the ones we don't know?

JT 39:42
No.

Jeff 39:42
Do you know that he was the one that said they should put July 89 in there? He's like, Maybe we should have a woman follow me around. I think that would add some humor to the film. I was like, that freaking failed miserably. That wasn't funny at all.

JT 39:56
That's what I'm saying. I'm just going to assume that all the bad stuff about this movie came from Sigal. Like, all the stupid quips and the one lines and the really awkward ear rubbing and they've forced kisses in front of a bunch of people.

Unknown speaker 40:06
Yeah.

Jeff 40:07
I'll go with that.

JT 40:08
I talked about the last scene. I mean the last climatic knife fight between him and Tommy Lee Jones just looked like a slap fight. That was dumb way back. And if all the guns never run out of bullets, why do we have to use knives?

Jeff 40:19
And you hold it where it aims down your forearm?

JT 40:21
Yeah, he holds it with the blade pointing down and then earlier it looks cool. It looks cool. But in the room where he was killing the guy with the band, so he like stabbed another guy in the armpit a couple of times.

Jeff 40:31
This movie was bad. I didn't like it. Stephen Segal was only in the movie for 41 minutes. Did you know that?

JT 40:36
I did not. Once we get that redone with Archer, I'm going to be really happy about that.

Jeff 40:40
So do you want to go to characters?

JT 40:42
I mean everybody. Gary Busey. Why is he dressed in drag? What was the purpose of that?

Jeff 40:46
I don't know what that was. I don't like how he spit in the budgets and when he was on the sub he was getting so mad at the Italian people, he yells at him, why don't you speak English? The Italian guy who he was yelling at that was trying to fix the size of the sub. Of course his name was Luigi because we don't care about anything and we just do what we want. I didn't like him at all. He was a huge jerk.

JT 41:13
I love Gary Busey, but he was not good in this. His character was bad. He was bad. I'm just assuming that the direction was really bad. It's like everyone go 125% on this one and be really stupid and it's going to look great, whatever. And then it makes a pile of money and they probably all high fived.

Jeff 41:28
Yes, they definitely all high fived and rubbed each other's ears, dude.

JT 41:31
And then Gary Busey fixes the nuclear submarine with a freaking crowbar. Is that how submarines work? I don't think.

Jeff 41:37
No, he needed a crowbar. A blow torch and an acetylene torch.

JT 41:42
And an acetylene torch. I'm like, Dude, it's not a tractor, it's a nuclear submarine.

Jeff 41:46
Louisiana didn't know what he was doing. Dude doesn't even speak English.

JT 41:49
He doesn't even speak English. The nerve.

Jeff 41:51
The three I had was great value. Nick, no tea. And then the chick. Not that I don't want to pass the breaker breaker one nine test. I don't know. I didn't need her in there.

JT 42:01
I don't think she did a bad job as an actress. I just thought it was a stupid part that served no role except let's put some tips on the screen and then have someone that Segal can be creepy towards.

Jeff 42:11
I didn't hate the actress, I hated the character. Yeah.

JT 42:13
And as Segal, I hated him and also the character and the performance. But the other two, I just didn't like the performances.

Jeff 42:21
Correct? Yes, that's well said.

JT 42:24
Political and correctness. There was great value in ignoldy was dropping some homophobic insults and some jokes early on the movie. I didn't really catch any after that. Just those first couple. That's all I had what we used to call worst CGI. I think let's just call worst effects, because we're mentioning a lot of stuff is not CGI like you're talking about. Like, not stuff. Let's just do effects. You got some bad effects. I don't even care. Honestly, this movie so bad. I don't care about the effects.

Jeff 42:46
I just didn't like how the sub blew up twice. I enjoyed when they showed them walking on the battleship deck. Now that I know that it's in Mobile and they're blocking out the thing, that's even cooler. I thought that part looked all right. It's just something about the angle that they filmed it on or something. It just didn't look. It looked shitty, and I didn't like it. And they could have fixed it. I don't know how to fix it.

JT 43:09
Yeah, same. There's a bunch of stuff that blows up, but it all blows up. Practically none of it's CGI in it. I mean, the helicopter blows up, and I guess somehow it blows up and it goes over the side of the boat. It didn't really make sense.

Jeff 43:21
But no, it was still burning on the top.

JT 43:23
Okay. It was burning on the top.

Jeff 43:25
Steven Segal did also wrap a rope around his waist and jump off the side, so he probably has a broken back.

JT 43:30
That's what I was thinking. Well, he didn't even, like, tie the rope to anything. He just like, oh, shit, there's a rope here. I guess I'll just grab this and jump over the side, like Die Hard. And then he like, bangs on the side of the boat, and everyone's looking for him. Like 25 guys are looking for him, and no one thinks to go look over the side right where he was standing.

Jeff 43:47
No, they're just looking out into the water.

JT 43:48
Yeah. They're like, I don't know. I guess he disappeared. He's in.

Jeff 43:51
He's gone.

JT 43:52
Yeah, old tech. I mean, there's a lot of it. I liked how the bridge of the boat kind of looked like the Rebel Alliance on Hawks with all the screens we can see through and stuff.

Jeff 44:00
Yeah, they're like, see through screens with the radar and the light pins and all the buttons look like old X wing buttons. They're like big chunk buttons that light up when you press totally. And also he put together a sat phone from random stuff in a lifeboat, and she goes, oh, so it's like a Carphone. I like that because I remember car phones.

JT 44:21
Yeah. I wrote down literally the phrase like a car phone.

Jeff 44:25
That's how I wrote it, too. Like a car phone.

JT 44:27
Yes. It had a little tiny umbrella that you would unwrap. It was like not the Carphone radar dish. No, his special phone that he talked to the joint Chiefs of Staff with. I don't know how he had that number, but that's who he talked to.

Jeff 44:40
He memorized the number.

JT 44:41
And then one of the people in the Joint Chiefs of Staff was like, oh, yeah, Casey Ryback. I know him. He's great. You know the Cook. That's the guy. You guys are tight. You're the freaking five star Admiral at the Joint Chiefs. Yeah, right back Cook. He's awesome. He's got a great bully. Base. Doesn't make enough pies, though, when you're trying to eat.

Jeff 44:59
And the lady that walks in, she's like, yes, I have his file right here. I'm like, what? Where did she get that? That's the physical paper file.

JT 45:08
That's what I'm saying, man. It's a perfect Archer episode. Just a terrible movie.

Jeff 45:12
I don't have any other worst, do you?

JT 45:14
The worst that I have here is I want to read some worst, like actual Steven Segal. Real stuff that's happened.

Jeff 45:21
Oh, no.

JT 45:23
There's a whole section of his Wikipedia. It's titled Allegations and Lawsuits.

Jeff 45:26
Oh, my God.

JT 45:27
I'm just going to quickly move through some of this stuff. So let's see. Early 90s, three people accused Segal of sexual harassment. Each of them got a $50,000 settlement. Sorry, four people. Jenny McCarthy claimed that Segal asked her to undress during an audition for Under Siege. Two nice. In 95, he's charged with employment discrimination, sexual harassment and breach contract. A woman accuses him of threatening and beating her during the filming of On Deadly Ground. 2010, a lawsuit filed against him requesting a million dollars in damages alleging sexual harassment, illegal trafficking of females for sex, failure to prevent sexual harassment, wrongful termination. 2011, someone filed a lawsuit over his part in a police raid from his show. The show where he was like Steven Seagal lawman in Louisiana. No, the first season was in Louisiana. The second season was in Maricopa County, Arizona. But Steven Segal drove a tank through the guy's house and then killed his puppy and then 100 chickens. And the reason was because apparently the guy was accused of doing cock fighting and on suspicion of cock fighting, Stephen Segal drove a tank into his house and killed his puppy in 100 chickens. And the quote from Stephen Segal on the episode was, Animal abuse is a real pet peeve of mine. In 2017, Portia de Rossi accused Steven Segal of sexually harassing her during a movie audition. Dutch model Fabiola Davis posted a statement on Instagram stating she'd also been sexually assaulted by Steven Seagull. Years earlier. In 2018, actress Rachel Grant publicly accused Steven Segal sexually assaulting her. 2018, another woman publicly claimed, in 93, Steven Segal raped her at his home. And then in 2020, he got penalized by the securities and Exchange Commission for failing to disclose payments he received for promoting an investment in a crypto coin.

Jeff 47:19
Who's buying crypto coins? Because Steven Segal says too?

JT 47:23
I don't know. He Hawks a lot of stuff.

Jeff 47:25
People that are still wearing their class ring and yelling at people on Facebook. Those are the people.

JT 47:29
But anyway, like sexual assault, sexual abuse, rape, sex trafficking lawsuits. They go from the late 80s up until like two years ago, and there are dozens.

Jeff 47:40
Have you seen what he looks like, though? Who says, yes, I'll get in a car with that guy or you know what I'm saying?

JT 47:47
I don't know.

Jeff 47:48
I don't know. The attraction is all.

JT 47:50
I can imagine that there is any five questions. Is it okay for kids? What age and why? No, it's not okay for anyone. No one should watch this.

Jeff 47:58
There's a little bit of nudity, tons of violence, some language, I would say in twelve or 13.

JT 48:04
Yes. No one should be exposed to Stephens ago at any age. I agreed with this movie get made if it were pitched. Now, a reboot has been pitched and is currently in development with HBO. For HBO?

Jeff 48:14
Well, I wrote down I hope not.

JT 48:15
Sorry, friend, it's happening. And then like 2053, we can review the reboot.

Jeff 48:20
Is it a movie or TV show?

JT 48:22
Movie. All right, if we remake it, who plays the lead? Do you have any.

Jeff 48:26
Do you know who the lead is for the new one?

JT 48:28
No, it hasn't been cast. It's still in pre production.

Jeff 48:31
Yeah. I don't know. You know how we try to be more diverse? We try to pick somebody else. Who's the guy that's the new Blade?

JT 48:38
I don't know.

Jeff 48:39
I don't know who that or something like that. I don't know how to say his name and I couldn't remember how to spell it. I like that guy because he's kind of tall and skinny and he's lanky and I like the way he acts.

JT 48:49
I was trying to think who's the most unsettled person I could put in this role, and I didn't spend a lot of time with it either. But I had Timothy Shalomay.

Jeff 48:56
Nice. That's a good choice.

JT 48:58
Kind of like a floppy hair, like skinny, but he's a good actor. And he's also like in Dune. He's totally kicking some ass. He is way better than this movie.

Jeff 49:06
Yeah, maybe he'll be in the new one. Yes. The only other one I put was to replace Gary Busey. I picked Nick Nalty.

JT 49:12
That's a good call.

Jeff 49:13
Who else do you pick? Can you still watch this movie and enjoy it in 2021?

JT 49:17
In my notes is the answer to that question I just wrote. Lol.

Jeff 49:20
I put no way is my answer.

JT 49:24
I wish that I didn't. Well, first of all, I wish that Steve's Call was not a reprehensible human being who is an embarrassment. But if he's going to be that douchey's, douche whoever douche. I wish that I didn't know it because if I didn't know it, I might be able to enjoy this movie. But I do know it.

Jeff 49:37
You sound like Cat. She just says, I wish I could go back to not knowing stuff.

JT 49:41
I mean, I want to know stuff. I'm glad that I know stuff. There are times where it's like, man, I probably would like this movie if I didn't know that that's the stuff she's talking about.

Jeff 49:48
She's like I probably could have enjoyed it if I would have known that he's not a rapist that wears yellow glasses all the time.

JT 49:54
Where can you find it? It's on Netflix.

Jeff 49:56
You should get a Netflix account just to watch this.

JT 49:59
Yes, sign up for Netflix just to watch this. Oh, man, this thing is really throwing me off. I don't even know how to I feel weird even asking anybody to subscribe or rate or review us after this podcast. I'm kind of ashamed.

Jeff 50:09
Yeah, me too.

JT 50:10
If you want to chat with us and other people about the podcast and about these movies, we started a discord. If you don't know what that is, don't worry about it. And if you do know what that is you can go to our website, click on the discord and come join us and chat about the movies. Tell us movies you want us to do for 92 tell us how you really liked under siege and we missed a lot of the key points of it. Whatever you want. We don't know that much about discord but we're trying to figure out a way to chat with people who like the movies and who like the podcast and this seems like the best idea we've come up with so if you're done with that, feel free to come join us.

Jeff 50:37
Yeah, that's a good way to do it.

JT 50:39
Yeah, right on. Subscribe rate and review next episode Wayne's world which will come out on the 30th anniversary of the release of the movie so we'll take it back up in a nice I'm going to go get my pies out of the oven.

Intro 50:52
Thanks for listening to movie life crisis.

JT 50:54
Bye.

Intro 50:55
Subscribe rate and review and remember don't drive angry.